Hi dear listeners! Today we are going to talk about fear. Physical fear. The shaking kind, the panic attack kind, the kind that stops you in your tracks from making any personal progress. The kind of fear that looms over your shoulder like a dark cloud, whispering doubts into your ear, making you question your decisions, your abilities, and even your worth. Sound familiar?
Don’t worry—by the end of this episode, you’ll have some practical tools to face fear head-on and move through it.
Let’s talk about the common culprits: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of snakes. That last one? Oh, I get it. I actually did a bit of exposure therapy for that one—I had two pythons crawl all over me. Sounds intense, right? And you know what? I wasn’t afraid of them. Not even a little bit. What I now know is that I’m actually afraid of being bitten by one, which made my exposure therapy, using snakes that don’t normally bite, kind of a moot point. But hey, live and learn!
Okay—back to fear. As Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States, famously said, “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” Let’s think about that for a moment. Fear, when you strip it down, is simply anticipation. It’s the unsettledness over what’s to come, the perceived threat of something unpleasant—punishment, loss, failure, rejection. Fear thrives in the unknown. It feeds on uncertainty and magnifies what we think could go wrong.
As I mentioned in my blog Put Yourself Out There, when I was a baby, I was afraid of everything and everyone. I was a total scaredy-cat. I would cry and scream at the slightest provocation—much to the dismay of anyone who had to deal with me. And let’s face it: no one loves a crying baby. This, of course, justified my fears in my tiny mind. I mean, think about it: I’m already scared, and then I get negative reinforcement from the people around me. The only place I felt truly safe was in my momma’s arms. That was my sanctuary.
As I grew up, I built a tough emotional outer shell to protect myself from the things I feared. It was like armor—necessary for survival. But armor can be heavy, can’t it? Eventually, that shell melted away as I learned to process fear differently. Still, I feel sorry for the people who had to raise me—my poor family and teachers! But hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Okay, I digress AGAIN!
Let’s go back to your fears. Roosevelt’s famous quote goes on to describe fear as “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Powerful words. Now, I’m not talking about situations where your life is in imminent danger. I’m not talking about the fear that comes from being chased by a bear or dodging a speeding car. Those are survival fears, hardwired into our biology, and they serve a purpose.
What I’m talking about is the general fear that keeps you from actualizing the life you crave. It’s the fear that says, “Don’t take that risk—you’ll fail.” Or, “Don’t speak up—you’ll embarrass yourself.” Or even, “Don’t try—you’re not good enough.”
I’ll share a personal story, because today’s podcasts seems to be all about me. I used to be an actor. One time, during a theater production at Frontera Fest—a performance festival in Austin, Texas—I noticed something strange. When I went on stage, my hands were shaking. I was holding a piece of paper in the scene, and the shaking was embarrassingly noticeable. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I knew my lines, my marks, the lighting cues—everything. Yet, there I was, trembling like a leaf.
At first, I thought I had developed stage fright, which was odd because I’d never had it before. Halfway through the run of the show, I had a revelation: it wasn’t fear at all. It was adrenaline. Yes, fear can release adrenaline, but in this case, it was excitement. I was so thrilled to be performing in a festival, working with actors I admired, that my body didn’t know what to do with all that excess energy.
That realization changed everything. I stopped associating the shaking with fear and saw it for what it was—a simple bodily reaction. Once I understood that, the emotional connection to the shaking disappeared, and guess what? The shaking stopped too. It was just excess energy, not fear, making my body react as it did.
So let’s bring it back to you. What are the things you’re afraid to do? Is it picking up the phone to make a difficult call? Applying for that dream job? Moving to a new city? Making a life change you’ve been putting off? Whatever it is, take a moment to ask yourself: What exactly am I afraid of? What do I think will happen if I take this action?
Be honest with yourself. Are you going to die? Are you going to bleed? Will this action result in catastrophic consequences, like the execution of your family? Probably not. More often than not, the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as our imagination makes it out to be.
As Tony Robbins often says, we’re motivated by two things: the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain. Fear falls into the latter category—it’s all about avoiding what we perceive as painful. But here’s the kicker: if the potential outcome of your action will bring you more pleasure than pain, isn’t it worth taking the risk?
Imagine fear as a threadbare rug in the hallway. Walk over it. Imagine it as a small hill in a park. Climb over it. Imagine it as a pebble in your shoe. Shake it out and keep moving.
Now, you might be asking, “Dr. D, how do I actually do that?” Good question. Here are a few strategies:
1 Visualize Success: Fear is anticipation, so try to picture the outcome as successful rather than torturous. Replace the “what ifs” of failure with “what ifs” of success.
2 Make a Plan: A lot of fear stems from the unknown. When you don’t know what to expect, your mind fills in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. So make a plan—step by step. Outline what you’ll do, and allow for missteps and pivots along the way. Channel that nervous energy into preparation.
3 Disengage from Emotion: Fear is often an emotional reaction to a perceived threat. To counteract this, imagine the absolute worst-case scenario. I’m not talking about failing or looking like an idiot—I do that all the time, and guess what? I’m still here! My worst-case scenarios involve things like my house burning down, family members bleeding to death, or me being cut in half. These are things that bring me concern, not “looking silly”. Take your worst-case scenario to the bitter end, and then see how getting rejected is not really that bad.
4 Take Small Steps: You don’t have to face your biggest fear all at once. Start small. Each small victory builds your confidence and diminishes the power of fear. Make that phone call. Do that research. And when you don’t die, take the next step.
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To wrap up, fear is part of being human. It’s not something to eliminate—it’s something to understand and work with. The next time you feel fear creeping in, remember: it’s just energy, just anticipation. You are stronger than your fear. You’ve got this. And I’m here to help you every step of the way.
Thank you for tuning in today! Until next time, face your fears and live with purpose.